From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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