Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
