I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My ass is underappreciated
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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