Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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