I'm jealous of your bromance
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
