maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize