The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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