Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
