Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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