this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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