Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
