I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
