I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
