Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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