So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
