remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
