Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is wine microwaveable?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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