Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
