If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
