Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
