you would pick up someone in the library
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
