That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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