smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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