you traded sex for a burrito?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
