pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
And then he peed in my hair
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