I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
