Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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