are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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