Please, let me fuck your mom
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
