I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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