but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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