I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
