i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize