Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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