so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
