i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
