How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
