Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
