he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
