He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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