Since when is my name a synonym for head?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
