i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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