Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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