my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
