I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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