I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
