yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
