Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
