Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
