I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
