3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
