lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
