Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I cut my penus on the lid.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
