i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
