you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
