The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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