those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
