so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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