Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
