I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
