i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize