Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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