Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i already hear my dad disowning me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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