I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
