Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i will never coherently bang her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
