Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
