Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
