Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
