i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
