She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
