Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
