they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
